Proficiency in Excel, Powerpoint, and Photoshop are all attractive skills to have, but there may be no skill more useful to have than the ability to read people. By picking up on certain cues, you can form strong bonds with colleagues, customers, and sometimes even anticipate their needs.
Here are eight tricks to reading people that will be valuable in countless areas of your life.
1. Get a baseline
When you first meet someone, size them up. Is their demeanor friendly? Anxious? Silly? Serious? Notice their mannerisms and try to discern what is a reaction to you personally and what is a general quirk that everyone who meets them will encounter.
2. Listen to their words
Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or having a meeting with your boss, what they say and how they phrase it can be very telling. For instance, a new acquaintance who asks you lots of questions may be setting you up for a big question (for instance, professional advice) later on down the road. If your boss is being vague and shifting the conversation in a way that you’re doing most of the talking, he may have an issue that he is thinking about addressing with you.
3. Are they stressed?
Common stress signifiers include the person leaning away from you, as well as rubbing their palms against their thighs or touching their forehead. These latter mannerisms are called “pacifying gestures” and may mean the person is trying to calm down.
4. Watch for closed eyes
If someone closes their eyes for longer than it takes to blink, they could be buying time, forming their thoughts, or just plain stalling. Either that, or they’re asleep – which may be your fault for being boring (just kidding!).
5. Are they direct or indirect?
Most people will fall into one category or the other: direct or indirect. By defining this, you can tell what kind of person you’re dealing with. A direct person will look you in the eye, ask specific questions, and just generally come across as forceful and in charge. Indirect people might not make eye contact, or may answer questions vaguely or not at all.
6. How to tell when they like you
Think of how you react when your best friend or favorite coworker walks into the room. It’s probably different than the way you’d react if a problematic colleague or tyrannical ex boss walked in the room. If someone arches their eyebrows when they see you, or allow their face and arms to relax, chances are they really like you.
7. Faces give so much away
People tend to give away their emotions without meaning, too. So notice when someone furrows their brow, frowns, or squints at you. Also look for tightening of the face or neck muscles. All of these signify distress and discomfort.
8. Eye contact
The eye contact someone does or doesn’t keep can be hugely telling. Generally, someone who has no problem looking you in the eye is probably trustworthy and looking to make a real connection. Someone who can’t look you in the eye may be trying to hide something, or may just not be interested in connecting with you. That being said, intense, unwavering eye contact can get awkward; so don’t get offended if someone looks away for a moment or two here and there. It’s totally natural.
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